31 replies to this topic

[GT Jimmy]

How does an Eskimo build his house? Igloos it together

[TeddytheSpoon]

A favourite of mine that none other than James May once gave a 7/10:

Three physicists are travelling in a car: Heisenberg in the driver's seat, Schrodinger in the passenger's, Ohm in the back. They are pulled over by a police officer.

"I think you know why I pulled you over, son. Do you know how fast you were going?" He asks.

"No", replies Heisenberg, "but I know where I am."

"You were doing 90mph in a 60 zone!"

"Oh great, now we're lost! Thanks, PC Plum!" retorts an irate Heisenberg.

Now quite miffed, the police officer orders the three out of the vehicle, and inspects it. He opens the boot, and asks:

"You guys know you have a dead cat in your boot?"

"We do now! We didn't before you b*****!" exclaims Schrodinger.

The three scientists are promptly arrested. Ohm resists.

(It's slightly niche, admittedly!)

Edited by TeddytheSpoon, 26 November 2024 - 02:11 PM.

[panky]

I just downloaded the Titanic soundtrack. It's syncing right now

Edited by panky, 27 November 2024 - 04:45 PM.

[bpirie1000]

Been feeling a little moody and rundown lately. So I looked up my symptoms.
It's adulthood.
I have adulthood.

[GT Jimmy]

Paddington Bear has just signed his mother up to Tinder, he just wants his mama laid

[Steam]

My wife reckons I have too many vehicles
I told her "It's not my fault. I have carowner virus".

[GT Jimmy]

What do you call a fish asleep at the bottom of the sea? A kipper

[bpirie1000]

Why is Santa so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

[bpirie1000]

What food is always late?
Choco late..

[JXC Mini GT]

Whilst in a department store a mum sees her young son put his hand up a Mannequins dress, the mum tells her son not to do that as there are teeth up there, many years later when the boy has a girlfriend they start kissing when the girl asks the boy if he wants to touch her privates, he says no because there are teeth up there, she says dont be silly and duly shows him her privates, after looking for a while he tells the girl no wonder you have no teeth, your gums are in a terrible state

[panky]

What nationality is Santa?

 

 

 

 

North Polish

[panky]

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

[GT Jimmy]

I once met a girl with 12 breasts, seems a little strange, dozen tit?

[panky]

How many Skunks does I take to make a smell?

A phew

[bpirie1000]

Racecar backwards is racecar.

Racecar upside down is expensive