One last photo and some words at 4am. I have spent my 20's chasing the sort of experience that gave rise to the worlds religions. I smile often these days and I mean it. Sometimes I feel sad but and that's okay. I have hope that one day I might just feel happy. I've always felt that I was somehow defective and didn't fit in on this planet. I met somebody who made it all go away and we shared a lot of good years together. I am lucky. I am an intense being and I do everything to 149% and I think after a while that gets exhausting for people. It was strange because when I was with him I didn't have to do anything good because there was somebody there who made it okay to not do anything good. It's strange to find yourself in the world without a guidance system. It's just you. I guess that's how it always was, the safety net I lived in was illusory. I am here to be harmless, to every person and every little creature, even an ant. I think theres definitely something in loving people for no reason. It takes people by surprise when you just love them and they don't know why, it isnt pretend love, it's real love, a love that's beyond you, beyond your personality, beyond anything you thought you were, it's just this love that knows everything, it knows the good things about you and the bad things and it doesn't pick or choose, it just smiles and loves it all. That's a good kind of love. That's what I want to be. I spent a lot of time trying to work out why I felt different and I dont really think theres an answer. Now I'm just being, because there is no time.
There is no moment other than this one. It might sound tripe but it's true. There is no 'later'. I mean in terms of psychological time theres a 'later' because your brain can create later, but that is illusion (you can experience this illusion directly if that's your desire). There's no 'later' and theres no 'before', all there is, is this moment. 'Before' was this moment, but previous ones, and 'later' is this moment, but the next one. You might say 'so what', but to contemplate this and really arrive 'here' is a truly bizarre experience. When you're in that peak experience, like mountain biking, that first spoonful of warm chocolate fudge cake or having sex, thats the moment. The mind has shut down and you're just consciousness knowing itself through the universe. The Hindus call that Braham and Atman, Braham is essential to it all, Atman is an appearance as form but without Braham it can't exist. Anyway, will you join me? when? now! There's no place that the peak moments get saved or queued up. You can just go out of your mind and be pure awareness, right now! now! and now too. It's just this one eternal moment. It's way bigger than your mind can ever imagine because your mind is here on the material plane working with 4 dimensions. If you use attention the right way you can enter the astral plane then you're far out and you can understand things a little better, but all it does is make you realise that you're never going to understand it. The more you try to understand it the less you do because it gets infinitely more vast and infinitely more empty. It's all paradox. Full and empty. The human mind can't come through, it's not pure enough. Pure energy only! I thought for a long time that human beings knew so much, that we sort of were the best it could get, but we are a mere spec in the infinite vastness of the 'one', call it 'god', 'consciousness' or anything. A finger pointing to the moon is never the moon.
The place where it always was, It always has been, it always will be and nothings happened yet because you're not in space and time. Eternal.
The self, 'Craig', 'Marie', 'Charlotte', 'Tony', imagine that you're born into this world as a human being, you live for some time, if you make it to 90 you did good, if you died young then you were less lucky. The good, the lucky, thats as interpreted by the human mind, as human beings we're conditioned to feel that being here, that this experience, is worth holding on to, so we cling, our main desire is to live long and healthy lives surrounded by people that we love. But where does this come from? This idea that a long life is the aim. Of course, life gets very sad when we lose a person we love, maybe it's born from that, but I'm not so sure about it all. It's tragic when somebody young dies but only because we're attached to living. But we don't truly appreciate this life because we spend nearly 40 billion on warfare in case we need to blow somebody up and considerably less on malaria nets.
You might not have a later. Seriously. A lot of people will wake up today and they will lock their front door for the last time. They won't know its the last time they turn the key, it just will be. Statistically, that's a 12 year old on her way to school. A 30 year old on his way to work. It doesn't pick or choose. That's a fact - people are going to die today. That also means theres going to be parents out there who loose their 12 year old daughter, and an engaged soon to be married 30 something about to lose the love of her life. This will happen, TODAY! How can a rational world which is supposed to be taken seriously work in this way, Sometimes when I'm in the kitchen at 2am and my cat runs down for food I get annoyed, like 'how on earth did she hear me here? she was fast asleep' - then I imagine that moment in the future when I go down to the kitchen and make loads of noise and she doesn't come because she isn't here anymore. It's all just so precious.
This whole thing is a cosmic giggle. Theres no time to worry about it all, to argue, to be annoyed, to be angry. The last time you kiss your wife, feed your cat, or buy toothpaste, and you have no idea when it will be. Far out. How precious each moment is. love love love love love. I'm not right about any of this and I dont claim to be. Truly, I dont know anything, at all. Peace out Mini people <3
“This place is a dream. Only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn, and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief.” - Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi
Edited by Mini-Mad-Craig, 11 September 2020 - 03:48 AM.
As soon as I moved into the house in April I took him to the vets to get checked for a microchip which he didn't have. Apparently he was a known stray in the area. Well, hes no longer stray and lives with me now <3
