Hello,
My name is Trixy. I'm a 1988 mini. That's all my Mum & Dad know really as they are a bit clueless and didn't really know what they were doing when they bought me. They bought me from a man who my Dad calls a 'Total and Utter Git' (TAUG) and apparently I'm not a copper, but's that's fine, as while I admire the work that the Police do I don't think I'm cut out to be a Police car, they scare me, they have angry eyes, also I can only do 55mph, if it's down hill.
The main reason why my Daddy bought me for my Mummy was because my Mummy had a little red mini toy that she used to play with when she was a little girl and she's always wanted a little red mini. So one night when my Daddy had drunk far to much of something that is called wine he opened up his computer and thought he would see if he could find a nice red mini for my Mummy. I have a nice flag on my head and that apparently 'Sealed the deal', Daddy said if you've got a flag on your head you've got to be ok, yes?
Now there's a thing called Ebay apparently, it's where people sell things which aren't actually what they say they are. I mean the things look ok, if you have absolutely no idea what you're buying, like my Daddy. But if you know the merest minuscule thing about a subject, like buying a classic mini, you'll be able to spot that there are some right TAUG's out there, apparently. I don't really know too much about it as I'm a car and can't work a computer as I have no fingers.
So my Daddy (who keeps on calling himself 'A Bloody Idiot' - ABI) soon found out when he took me to the Doctors that I wasn't actually very well. A nice man called who did a thing called an MOT told my Daddy that I was very poorly and I needed a rest. The Doctor said I wasn't allowed to go on the road again until a very (very very) long list of problems were fixed. My Daddy couldn't understand it as I was sold to him with a proper MOT, my Daddy is pretty sure that the TAUG was also a 'Lying Toe Rag' - TAUGLTR.
So my Mummy and Daddy were pretty fed up and I was worried that they were going to take me to the Scrap man, I don't know what he does but it sounds pretty scary. Then one day my Daddy (who is a Scout Leader) was talking to a very nice man who is a Scout Dad, his name is Uncle Paul. Uncle Paul said he would come and have a look at me as Uncle Paul really likes Mini's and he said he would be able to tell my Mummy and Daddy if I could be fixed. Uncle Paul told my Mummy and Daddy that he is addicted to fixing Mini's, this sounded great to me, but my Mummy and Daddy are worried about about the long term effect that this might have on Uncle Paul's relationship to his girlfriend, Auntie Jayne. Auntie Jayne is super lovely, so long as she doesn't get angry (apparently).
I was very nervous when Uncle Paul came round as I liked sleeping on Mummy and Daddy's drive, it's nice and flat and even Daddy's car which is a Volvo XC-90 was happy for me to have it, although he does complain a bit, I just say 'You've got 970 air bags so you can shut up'. He says things back to me back to me but I can't understand him, I think he's foreign. So Uncle Paul had a good look at me and poked and prodded me. I was a bit frightened when some brown flaky metal fell off, that's called 'rust' apparently. Now rust is bad, I've learnt this recently. I thought it was normal but I don't think it is. According to Uncle Pau, 'My entire arse is about to fall out'. This doesn't sound very good and I was a bit frightened as I sat on the drive for ages and no-one came to see me.
I was about to get really upset then one day a big brown van with UPS on the side of it stopped outside our house. The man carried three huge boxes out of it and gave them to Daddy. He didn't seem very happy as the big boxes must have cost a lot of money, if someone sent me a huge UPS delivery I'd be happy. The next day I found out why, the UPS delivery was FOR ME. It was my new bottom and lots of other bits. Uncle Paul came round and told Mummy and Daddy what he was going to do me. It sounds very scary apparently, especially a thing called a welder, I have no idea what it is but I think it might hurt a bit.
Any way, Uncle Paul starts work on me next weekend and I'm very excited. My Daddy has decided to blog about me, I don't know what a blog is but I think it's a diary thing. He hopes the TAUGLTR watches it as apparently I'm going to be 'Splendid' when i'm finished.
I'm looking forward to being made better, Daddy is very pleased as Uncle Paul works for something that is called 'Tea' and a 'Slap Up Meal'. Mummy is also very pleased as Daddy has stopped swearing.
Please check in on me from time to time and please don't be too nasty about my rusty bottom.
Love Trixy xxx
ps Here's a photo of me and Mummy the day after Daddy bought me, little did they know...