1. Let all the stupid people figure things out for themselves: remove the warning labels & the idiot gene pool will thin itself.
2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds; people actually get out of my way now.
3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands; if she's holding a gun, you should leave her alone.
4. Girls used to cook like their mothers & brag about their recipes ; now they drink like their fathers & brag about their tattoos.
5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone....that's common sense leaving your body.
6. I try hard not to plan my day because the word 'premeditated' can be used against you.
7. I didn't make it to the gym today; that makes five years in a row.
8. Better yet, I decided to call the bathroom the "Jim" instead of the "John"; it's so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
9. Question for paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan?
10. Everyone has a right to be stupid; however, there are those that abuse the privilege.
Absolutely love those! A lot remind me of work colleagues...
